Its unnerving when something so
constant is taken from your life. 

Grandpa passed away last night.
Literally as my mom was walking in the hospital doors to come say goodbye to him. 
& my heart aches for her.

Can we talk about that being one of the most vulnerable positions you can ever be in?

It just go back from spending the weekend at a conference where I heard Brene Brown speak 
& I learned so much more about learning to live in that state of vulnerability. 

Having to be away from my family right now and watch my mom go through this 
across the country has brought on this whole new perspective of helplessness. 
I havent been able to do anything for her in the past 12 hours and 
i've never had to deal with this feeling before, this feeling of complete vulnerability.

So onto my next bit of news.
Im going on a mission..
did i mention that?

Its been a fight getting my papers in for one reason or another so we've all just been waiting patiently to hear if they had been finally sent in. I had no idea that the news of my mission papers would come at a time that was so bitter sweet. Last night I received the news that grandpa had passed away, & this morning when I woke up I got a text saying the papers are now with the church headquarters.  I was feeling so helpless on this end of the country not being able to be there for my mom so giving her this good news felt like my way of contributing to & helping my family get through this heartbreaking time.

Can I tell you how extremely grateful I am for the knowledge I have that this is not the end? Cus I am.


  1. WHAT.THE.WHAT?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    you've completely blindsided me with this. madi! you're going to be such an amazing missionary. AMAZING. this gospel, this sweet, wonderful gospel give us so much comfort and hope. i'm so sorry about your grandpa and you not being able to be there for your mom. but their reunion one day will be so sweet, so tender.
    i'm so happy for you. this gospel is great. you are great. my heart is smiling.

  2. @Brissa

    duuude. my heart is smiling right along with yours. thank you! I knew you would have a heart attack haha. I was excited to see your reaction! I've told mostly everyone that i am going and for awhile i was riding on that high from all of the freak outs people were having when i told them but there is no one left to tell and i was getting all twitchy and stuff needing a fix.
    Thank you for giving me that high today you kind kind soul, i needed it.

  3. MADI. (comment number two within like three minutes) My Mom's dad died about a month ago. It was really hard for all of us, but especially for her. I just want you to know that I'm so sorry for your loss and that I hope things turn up. I love the idea that my grandpa will be able to watch me throughout my mission and hopefully guide me when I need it. We're lucky to have that understanding.

  4. @Hilary

    Hilary you are the greatest! I LOVE THE CHEESY COMMENTS!!! Still freaking out you are going in on wednesday. Cant wait to swap mission stories!