be right here

My favorite part about this whole yoga teacher training thing i'm taking (lets pretend I already mentioned this update in my life) is how we are taught to be here. Wherever here is.
If you are brushing your teeth, brush your teeth. Don't be thinking about the million other things you have to do that day.
If you are driving to work, drive to work.
If you are in Uttanasana jumping back to Chaturanga (i'm using the official words to sound more boss), don't be thinking about how the sweat is dripping into your eyes causing them to burn and you wanting to collapse into a ball on the floor.

Be here now.
Not daydreaming about leaving Utah.
What good does it do to solely be focused that? It only takes away from the now. And the now has been so good to me.

I'm letting myself be here.
& i'm letting myself be okay with that.

Now take a breath-
This serious post is over.

Here is a link to a spotify playlist that is speaking to my insides like I wrote about the other day.
If you don't have spotify, get it. but if you want to go on with life, not having as much happiness as you could be having here's a couple songs from the playlist that I cant stop listening to.

( ^ 3:54, perfection )

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24 hours, not days

My first boyfriend was in 7th grade. We were sitting in english class when he walked by to "go to the bathroom" and dropped me a note. I opened it, and it wrote "Do you want to be my girlfriend? Check yes or no." George Straight truly had a way with words. I marked yes and so began my first journey of being a girlfriend.

Turns out being a girlfriend doesn't last very long. Like only 24 hours long. But that whole glorious day we passed notes back and forth to each other in the hall. Never making eye contact because you don't do that when you like someone. I went home that night and secretly named each level of the video game I played after him, but in code so no one would know. We were pretty happy.

Until the the next school day when he passed me the note in C hall that read "My mom found out I have a girlfriend and is making me break up with you". I understood. I mean if my parents decoded every level of that video game, they would probably not be happy either. So I wrote that we could just be friends and left it at that. After school that day my best friend Cassie came to tell me that he had lied about the whole "mom finding out" thing and he already had another girlfriend. Her name was Madison. He left me for another Madison.

It's okay because I fully believe in Karma.
Recently I heard that my 7th grade boyfriend literally thinks he's a pirate. Eye patch and everything.
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Its weekends like this that make me wish I was a better writer so that I could convey everything that's inside of me. But I am incapable of describing what seems to be overflowing in my heart so just go with me here.

It was an 11pm trip up to half moon rock on our last night there. And the combination of driving through the canyon with the windows down, listening to music where every song seems to just speak to your insides, and sitting behind it all looking at the backs of these girls heads who have become more and more a part of me these past years. It was the kind of scene/feeling I hope to one day be able to capture on film.

When I am with them, there is no passing judgment on myself in the back of my head. I am who I REALLY am. I am my favorite me.

So, on top of the rock that made us feel like we were landing on the moon,
we erased ourselves like in star girl.
That "boundary" was gone.
We let ourselves be who we needed to for awhile, even if that was taking a moment to not be here, not be us, just exist and nothing more.

Grand Junction, CO ate all of our hearts out.
..chewed them up,
and spit them back out.
but in a good way.

Best description ever.
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