Eating Inn n out
on a Wednesday night
watching 30 rock in my bed.

This is where God chose to come to me.

& it was one of those moments where He grabs you by the collar and pulls you in real tight so your foreheads are almost touching. And softly pleading he says to you "are you listening?? Did you hear that?”

And for some reason, those nerves in your brain that tell your lungs to keep going & not stop because if they do you'll for sure kill over? They stop all communication. For half a second you loose all connection & you forget to take a breath. Because if you are being honest with yourself, you weren't listening.

He comes to you. Wherever you are & whatever the circumstance. 3,000 miles gone, he comes to you.

I have to believe that. 
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To My Dear Sweet New Baby, 2015-

I realized that asking you to be a little more kind to me than your older brother 2014 was is just not the way these relationships work. So here's what I am asking- 

Help me to understand you better. To be less frustrated at the downs that will inevitably arrive, and more grateful for the highs when they are present. To be more compassionate. Maybe help me to eat a little less taco bell for the sake of my arteries? I understand if that last one just isn't going to be possible.  

I loved 2014. He and I grew far more than we ever thought capable. But if I am supposed to walk a similar road with you, I am going to need a bit more understanding. And maybe that's not even the right word here. Maybe i'm not asking for anything from you besides a kind touch every once in awhile.

Either way, I'm excited for this relationship. I hope you and I become just as close as 2014 and I did- even if that means a lot of heart break along the way. Bottom line? How can I expect anything from life if am not willing to be vulnerable?

Also, 2015? Listen.

Don't F this up.
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I wake up with your name in my mouth. In those first few moments of being half aware I enjoy the familiarity by swishing it around a few times, fully experiencing you again. In those few minutes I have no thoughts of how regressing it is to even think about you. In that moment I am not sad. In that moment you and I are one again.
The grogginess wears off and I snap back to the full reality of the present- I spit your name out with all the force I can muster.
Keeping the memory of you so close is too much to carry. So I keep you safely at a distance. Close enough to look over and still see you when my heart needs a few moments to reflect, but far enough out of reach that it would be too painful for my sore muscles to attempt pulling you back in.

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