gratitude at a late hour

Heavenly Father is patient with me. He is kind and forgiving when I make the same mistake for the thousandth time. He knows every thing about me. Every weakness, every imperfection. & yet somehow he still manages to love me and bless my life in countless ways.
He is blessing me with this wonderful place called NYC, and I don't think I could ever explain how grateful I am.

Chelsea Babbitt said it better than I could:

It was then I realized
I am truly happy. Not for the moment, not for a time, but for everything.

I am thankful for everything that has brought me to this point with no end and no amount or number calculated could describe how happy I am to be exactly where the Lord has brought me to right at this exact point in my life.

I have a long ways to go before I am satisfied however, there is always something more to learn and develop and grow to be better from, but I know I am on the right path to that end.

It's amazing what happens when you submit to the lord to guide your life. He has greater things in store for you than you could ever imagine.

For the 12,333,543,232,343,545,454 time.

p.s. i survived the hurricane and came out without a scratch. i can't say the same for this unfortunate car down the street from me. 
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Hurricane what?

Its been all emergency preparation/hurry and grab water flashlights and canned goods at the grocery store before it runs out here in NYC. I am pretty sure these past few days city has been having a collective panic attack all together. Between this hurricane and the earthquake a few days ago its been one strange week out here.

But all is well my friends. Me and my apartment are well stocked up for this weekend. We have a prime spot in my roommates room to watch the storm from(a stairwell just in case things get nasty), and plenty of junk food to keep us happy all weekend.

As much as I don't think anything is going to happen, i know prayers are always a good thing. So all my homies in the 801, please keep the east coast in your thoughts this weekend!

Here's to a safe weekend!

and i couldn't resist..

  The Cults - Go Outside by pcagx 

  White Hinterland - Icarus by erinaomi

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And you thought it wasn't possible to star gaze in NYC.

you were so wrong.
do you see those 3 dots??
straight up beautiful.
it just doesn't get better folks...

and don't get mad, more music.
(feel free to collectivity groan)
I have a problem where my subconscious nags at me
until I share my musical findings with the blogging world.
It's a curse...
and a blessing.
...peace and blessings.

this post officially has waaay to many ...'s in it.
i hate ...'s don't you?

meow on to the music.

**I apologize, I realized after I hit publish that I wrote this half asleep, with a head cold. Literally, this whole post doesn't make any sense. I'm afraid this cloud in my head (I am calling it cloud irene in honor of the hurricane about to hit us this weekend) came to invade my head and sense of judgment and all things rational. All I have to say now is that this time next week, I will have survived my first hurricane and earthquake, all within a few days of each other. (double fist pump) untz untz untz untz.
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a wedding in the catskill's

Over the weekend I assisted on a wedding in the Catskill Mountains where we took a chair lift up to where the ceremony took place. It was incredible how great it felt getting out of the city, even if it was for work and just for 24 hours. I love my city but I've been missing nature in my life and central park is just not cutting it.

I don't think I can say this enough:
Filming weddings is what i want to do for the rest of my life. 
If I had a rooftop I would be shouting this from it.

I was so focused on the wedding I didn't even think about getting a picture for the blog so this has resulted in me stealing two pictures of the weekedn from Josh's FB page. Go check his stuff out, he does not disappoint.
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"far from what I once was, but not yet what i'm going to be"

This quote is a subject that keeps coming up in conversations lately and it pretty much sums up what i have been feeling lately. My experience out here has been, well, lets just say it's had it's ups and downs. Until my move a couple months ago into Manhattan, I could not wait unitl the moment Heavenly Father said "Okay Madi, you've learned what you needed, now come back to Utah." I basically gave the big man upstairs an ultimatum (thats awful I know) and said if things don't get better, I don't care what you think I am packing my bags and going home.

In Logan I felt like life could not get better and i've come to realize how unique my experience was there. And dispite me saying "New York?? But life is already perfect why do I need to move half way across the country? Can't I just learn what you would teach me out there, here?" He got me out of my comfort- blanket-utah and knew that this is exactly what i needed. Sending me out here only knowing one person was the only way I could have grown a love, friendship, and appreciation for Him. This is my alone time with Heavenly Father, to get to know Him and myself a little better.

So here we go, i think it's time and i'm just gonna say it.

 I am HAPPY here.


Thats kind of a big deal if you didn't know.

I put my move back to Utah date for January and was counting down the days until it came, but I don't know anymore. The closer it gets the more I love it here and I can't see myself moving away so soon. I HAVE SO MUCH MORE I NEED TO LEARN!!! January will mark a year of me living here and thats just not enough time. At least not enough time for me.
 I would say i'm about 60/40.


What do you think?
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Lighten Up

About a year ago I posted a quote here on the blog. During my talk yesterday I used more quotes from Chieko Okazaki's* book Lighten Up and I thought I would share here as well.

"If there is one great constant in the universe is the unfailing love of the Savior, the other great constant is his unfailing respect for human agency. He will not override your will, even for your own good. He will not compel you to accept his help. He will not force you to accept his companionship. He leaves you free to choose.

I beg you to open the door and let him in. give him your whole heart, all the pieces, and let him heal you.

He's not waiting for us to be perfect. Perfect people do not need a Savior. He came to save us in our imperfections. He is the Lord of the living, and the living makes mistakes. He's not embarrassed by us, angry at us, or shocked. He wants us in our brokenness, in our unhappiness, in our guilt and our grief."

Chieko N. Okazaki, Lighten Up

*Sister Okazaki was the 1st counselor in the relief society general presidency but did you know she passed away just a couple of weeks ago? I am so grateful we have her talks and books to go back to. She was an absolutely incrediable woman.
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because its a requirement to share good music

   VCR - The XX by tracks_arte

   Fleet Foxes - White Winter Hymnal by subpop

   Harvest Moon - Neil Young by houligen

and because I am trying to take life for today, 
and not for what it was or will be,

Every time I look out my window this is what I see 
and I remember that this is my city 
and for this moment it's all i need.
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untz untz untz untz

I am giving a talk in church on sunday. 
And to be honest, 
the rough draft has sort of turned into 
a Harry Potter, Buddhism fest. 
I may even throw in there a little Judaism and Confucianism.
How do you feel about it?

I feel its gonna be a party.
(fist pump)

on another note,

Isn't he just the ugliest cutest thing in the whole entire world?
I can't wait to spend the next few weeks with him.
He loves me can't you tell?
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Things I want for you:
make as much light as you possibly can in this world

go everywhere, do everything, meet everyone

make as many other people feel seen and understood as you can

acknowledge someone when they speak to you, greet you, or show you human decency

listen to all of the music

eat good stuff

make things when you can

say things when you think them

never let being scared be the reason you don’t do something that matters to you

eye contact

never be afraid to be ugly.

respect your pace

respect other people’s paces

take a minute to be absolutely blown away by how completely beyond anything your imagination could have concocted this world can be whenever it happens

ask questions

tip well

make people laugh until it hurts and isn’t funny and they’re crying and maybe farting a little

appreciate the magic in getting to know someone

never stop loving people f-ing wholeheartedly

via drink your juice
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