reading ess good

These are some quotes I quickly wrote down while reading or listening to a book and have been sitting in my phone for quite some time.
I felt they needed a more permenant place to live.

(pic via insta)

 “Did Peeta make it?” She gives me a nod, and as she slips a spoon into my hand, I feel the pressure of friendship."

"Myriad are the examples at Homeboy industries of homies coloring way outside the lines and being given their 98th chance."
"Homies seem to live in the zip code of eternal disappointing and need a change of address. To this end, one hopes (against all human inclination) to model not the “one false move” God but the “no matter whatness” of God. You seek to imitate the kind of God you believe in where disappointment is, well, Greek to him. You strive to live the black spiritual that says “God looks beyond our fault and sees our need."
"A spacious and undefended heart finds room for everything you are and carves space out for everybody else."
"God is just too busy loving us to have any time left for disappointment."

“Constantine sat down next to me, at the kitchen table, I heard the cracking of her swollen joints. She pressed her thumb hard in the palm of my hand, something we both knew meant 'Listen to me.'
"All my life I'd been told what to believe about politics, coloreds, being a girl. But with Constantine's thumb pressed in my hand, I realized I actually had a choice in what I could believe.”  
The Help by Kathryn Stockett

“Becoming fearless isn't the point. That's impossible. It's learning how to control your fear, and how to be free from it.”    
“I have a theory that selflessness and bravery aren't all that different.”    
“Lies require commitment.”    
“His absence will haunt their hallways, and he will be a space they can't fill. And then time will pass, and the hole will be gone, like when an organ is removed and the body's fluids flow into the space it leaves. Humans can't tolerate emptiness for long.”    
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some very powerful words

"You've... got mail."

"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life - well, valuable, but small - and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void."

Kathleen Kelly is in my book, one of the best characters ever invented.

So please imagine the extreme delight I felt when I heard that her apartment in the movie was 3 BLOCKS OVER from my own. This is what I call a sign of the heavens aligning my friends.
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Lead with your vulnerability.

Lori posted this article yesterday titled "Why we love to be haters (and what to do about it)" and in it the writer quotes Brene Brown who I am going to see speak a women's conference here in nyc next month. She quotes her talk on vulnerability and I it reminded me just how much this talk has effected me this year. I want to post it here since I've listened to this talk more times than i'd like to admit and a couple months back made it a new years resolution. It may be 20 minutes but watch it anyway!

"Vulnerability is not weakness, It is our most accurate measurement of courage... It is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, of joy, love, belonging, and change.. We need to stop numbing vulnerability, because when we do, we numb joy, gratitude, and happiness."

"Vulnerability is the willingness to breath through something where there is no guarantees. "

I watched this video at the beginning of January and decided to dive fully into that uncomfortable place of vulnerability this year. And do you know what i've found? Its not that scary of a place at all. Yes there are moments of "this is unfamiliar" and moments where I would like to back out. But the experiences and the changes and the things i have learned from putting myself in that place, far out weigh the few minutes of unfamiliarity.

I have made many decisions this year that have put me in this place of vulnerability but i cant tell you how far I have come in just a few months. Im experiencing joy and gratitude and happiness, in capacities that I never thought possible before.
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My guide to the NYC

*a friend asked me to send him a list of things to do in the city and I decided to share it here as well.

1. Shake shack- good heavens you will die- get the shack burger with cheese fries (cheese sauce on in the side) and any of their concrete shakes. Make this your number one priority when you get here.

2. Central park. I live a block away and sometimes take it for granted.  Go on a friday night in the summer and watch the miniature remote control sailboats that light up and sail around the lake. The reservoir - If you go at sunset/night and walk to the north end you get the skyline view of midtown.

3. Go to the upper west side. My hood. The best place in Manhattan.  Walk along the Hudson River looking over into New Jersey- its the best place to go running, the water keeps you cool and you have one of those "NYC" moments the second you get a glimpse at the George Washington Bridge or a cluster of sail boats. While you're on the UWS walk up central park west and look down the cross streets. The brown stones make you feel like you are in You've Got Mail or living Nat the Fat Rat's life.

4. Go to Patsys Pizza on 74th and columbus. Arguably better than Grimadlis. Patsy's tastes just like it but without the 3 hour wait! Stop by Levains Bakery right down the street (74th & Amsterdam) where they have the greatest cookies in the whole world (double chocolate peanut butter cookie heated up for 15 seconds in the microwave- you.will.die) they close early so either eat dinner early or do a pre- dinner dessert!

5, Out of all the touristy stuff- The Brooklyn bridge- hands down. Walk half way across and turn around. and you get a really gret view of the financial distric. If you walk all the way across into brooklyn you can wait at Grimaldis just to say you've done it, maybe stop and get some ice cream, and go ride the carousel by the water front. Any where around the Brooklyn Bridge Park. Go around dinner so you can get a view of the BK Bridge during the day and at night.

6. Times Square and Grand Central- great for a quick walk through. Never stay too long, too many people-tourists!- or maybe NY just turned me into a super impatient person. YOU ALL WALK SOOO SLOW! In grand central make sure to pass the Whispering Gallery . Then wave to my work building, right across from grand central station!

 7. If you are into museums, go to the MET on the upper east side - 83rd and park- it's ginormous and incredible and if you stayed the whole day you wouldnt get through all of it.  The fee to get in is just a "suggested" fee- No need to pay the 20 dollars! Walk up say you want to donate a few monies and that you want two tickets ( they will look at scowl but just do it anyway) Again, wave to the doctors office I also work at right across the street from the MET. There is a shake shack-whoop whoop!-on 86th and lexington so stop by after going to the met. The MoMa is a modern art gallery and is free on Friday nights. You can get a free audio tour as well. Sounds dorky but do it anyway! 

8. The Flat Iron building and Madison square park-DO IT. I used to work down here and is a fun little area. There's a shake shack in Madison square park that is outside and has twinkle lights. Never say no to twinkle lights, or shake shack.  Also celebrity spotting here- Phil from Modern Family- pushing his child in a stroller. Three whoops for celeb sightings! 

9. Empire State - overpriced but still great to say you've done it. I hear from a lot of people "top of the rock" at rockerfeller is a better view since you get to see the empire state once you're up there but about the same price. If you do end up going, do it at sunset so you get to see the city during the day and at night.

10. Now listen here - number ten is near and dear to my heart. You see I lived in Williamsburg for 6 months when I first moved out and most visitors are scared of leaving the island but venture outside of your manhattan mind frame and go Brooklyn! Seriously, I will be upset if you don't. Take the L train one stop into Williamsburg  to Bedford Ave- a ten minute subway ride. Walk out of the subway and step into a sea of hipsters!  

Grab a hot dog right off the subway stop at Crif Dogs- get the "Good Morning" hot dog wrapped in bacon, deep fried, and then wrapped in an egg covered with cream cheese. Sounds so gross but it's the best hot dog you will ever taste-straight up. Go to beacons closet, the hole is the wall, mega clothing thrift stores off all thrift stores. Walk a few blocks over and eat some Brooklyn Mac- the best mac and cheese you will ever eat. I bring all of my visitors here and we end up going back multiple times- BK Mac is not something I joke about, its a sacred place so GO! Finally walk to the Williamsburg water front park and you will get a view of the city exactly like this one-

 At the waterfront park take the water taxi that will bring you back to manhattan.  Take a few pictures like this one and post them to instagram- 

11. For the Mormons (or not mormoms!) on Sunday go to my ward (Lincoln YSA ward 65th & Columbus) we meet in the chapel in the temple at 1. My ward is the best. Hands down best ward in the city/ in the country haha. Sacrament meeting is basically 65% tourists and 35% my ward so you wont feel out of place. Once you're done walk around Lincoln square- Juilliard school, and you can walk down to Columbus circle on 59th street. This is the perfect time to walk around Central Park which is only a block away from the temple.

Are you in love with this city yet?
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bathroom stalls and run-on sentences


standing in a bathroom stall playing draw something on my iphone so I don't look like a fool attempting stick figures of beyonce, lady gaga, and hey arnold in the office.

>> is this one of those moments where addicts realize how low they've sunk and want to turn their life around?

& while we're on the subject. I would also like to take this moment to explain to the short people of this world how awkward it feels on a daily basis going into a bathroom but being just tall enough that your head awkwardly peaks over the stall so that you can pretty much see into the business going around you. I pretend this is not so, crouch a little, keep my eyes fixed on the ground, and go on with my day. i've said it before and i'll say it again-THIS WORLD IS NOT MADE FOR TALL PEOPLE. 

ohp, and.
crazy plans are happening on this end of the country.
*as my stomach leaps in excitement!
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