Not in the plans, totally planned Christmas

Is it just me or has that Christmas tree gotten smaller? 
The fake Christmas tree that we've used every year since I can remember. Is that even possible?

I've grown since my last Christmas home. No, Literally. At least half an inch. I think that makes me really 5'11 now, not 5'10 and a half claiming to be 5'11. Being away has made an honest woman out of me. 

Its been three years by the way. Three years since being able to spend this holiday that so supports family, surrounded by exactly that. One Christmas spent in NYC, The next in Murrieta. & this years wasn't even supposed to be spent here. But all of the good that has come out of being home shows me it was in the plans all along. Maybe not my plans but definitely in someones. Had I stayed on my mission, I would have missed out on becoming this person. And I'm happy with how its turned out, with all of this

8 months ago there was no way out. I saw no end. Even the little glimpses of light graciously sent my way couldn't change the whole perspective. And now thinking back, I am there again. Sitting in that darkness. Seeing how it all played out and how I got here- sitting in my parents recliner on Christmas eve at 3:13 am listening to the best effing christmas playlist of all time - I am overwhelmed. But the best kind of overwhelmed. The opposite kind of overwhelmed that I felt a year ago. The kind of overwhelmed you feel when you realize that all of it's in remembering the birth and the atonement of Christ. 

Tears. I mean you could totally chalk it up to hormones. But these are the the good kind of tears that seem to well up in your heart way before they even make it out of your eyes.

Holidays lately have been the shit. Mostly because my family is the shit.


  1. This is a good crescendo. This (post/thoughts) makes (-s) me happy.

  2. hi. i found you. i'm glad i did.
    please keep these coming.