Vague Emotional Stories Part 2

At first I was sure that you weren't right for me. My stubborn personality knew it. I had no doubts. You were not supposed to be in my future. For 7 months you were on my mind and I pushed even the thought of it out.

And then that time I was lost in the city waiting at the subway station on the east side I had never been to. I was a week away from my year mark of living in NYC & all of the sudden I felt like my life here was coming to a close. I turned to my best friend and mentioned the vague feeling, describing it as not being able to pin point what it was but that I felt my time was short & something big was ahead. He nodded trying to understand, but how could he, I didn't even understand myself.

Another experience like this, but with a few more specifics made me realize that I was in for a big change & it scared the shizzz out of me. All I wanted was to be right there living this life I had created on my own out in a big city- it was one of my biggest accomplishments.

It was on vacation a couple months later when an announcement from another friend changed the way I thought about you. And then again that night at the hockey game & my guard was coming down. As I stepped into the airport to fly home my thoughts were "You know this is right. Let me show you how much I have in store." That was the first time I knew something was so right that even my stubbornness couldn't have pushed it away. I made my way back to NY and within 3 months I had packed up and moved home.

That time spent with you was the hardest of my life. You asked so much of me. But because of how much I gave, I was given even more in return. The people I met because of you, the painful even agonizing parts of it all have made who I am today and I would never take that back.

Towards the end of us being together I realized I had a decision to make. I could stay, but that would mean me putting off what was actually staring me in the face which I knew I needed to take care of & I wasn't ready to take care of it with you still a part of my life. My decision to leave you wasn't hasty. It wasn't a last minute decision that I would later regret. In every part of my being I knew that leaving you was right. But that didn't change the fact that up to this point, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. 

Even though I was only with you for the short time of 8 months, you changed me.
I will never be able to thank you enough.

You - Being called and accepting to serve the Lord in Riverside California

I would never undo.

1 comment:

  1. i have had this saved since i first read it. madi, this gave me chills. the honesty with which you wrote it made my heart pump. i love this. i love you. never stop writing. ever.