Vague Emotional Stories Part 1



I didn't know the details of how things would end up eventually but i knew from that first hello on the subway at 161st street in the bronx- that we should have left it as just that.

And I should have noticed it months before I did. You never wanted to leave the apartment. You didn't want to hang out with my friends and eventually your friends either. I heard things from your friends that scared me more than I have words for.
You showed up less and less for church. 
Your words were sad.
You were sad.
And I thought I could change that.

Almost 9 months of energy was spent. And fast forward to the end, I finally could feel how much it weighed me down- I had no more emotion left to spend.

The last night I came over you kicked me out, for completely selfish reasons. You said to leave and that you wouldn't be calling me a cab. And it wasn't until the walk home that everything you had said fell into place. You knew the whole time what you were doing. We both knew that it was the best thing, and I let you convince me otherwise. And for that I am sorry. You needed someone to love you enough to hold their ground.  And I caused even more hurt, instead of my original intent to help.

I thought that would end it. It should have ended it. Again, you said words that hurt and made me upset. And I became someone that I didn't recognize after you said them.

Two years later I finally understand. I have been given my own experiences and shown a glimpse of what it was like for you. And shit, it must of been hard.

The last time I talked to you was a few days before I moved home.
You spotted me from across the room and gestured me over.

Him: "I heard some rumors about you leaving, are they true?"
I: "yes, in two days."
Him:"wow"

walks away.
weight lifted.
end story.

3 comments:

  1. Your confidence is contagious. I love this.

    ReplyDelete
  2. in love with the way you put this. you're an amazing human.

    ReplyDelete
  3. can i copy this? i've been wanting to do a vague emotional stories on my blog for a while

    ReplyDelete