Mental Illness - A New Relationship

I can never be rid of him- not in this life at least. That's been the horrifying yet unburdening truth about all of it. I've and listened for years to too many words that said to "fight back" and to "use the anger to fuel you". Fighting can't be right. Not in this setting at least. Even the energy that surrounds the word is heavy, so why would I add more weight to something that was already making it hard to keep moving forward. The anger only made things worse in the end. 

So I made him my friend. I worked on learning who he was, why was he apart of me, and what could I do to help him be happy.  I listened to him, cared for him, meditated with him, and honestly came to love him. In turn he did the same thing for me. I've learned that it's when I create- watercolor, spinning wool, weaving, photography- We are not at war. & I've learned that kindness is all he ever wanted. To be loved really.

Fighting is how we've been trained to deal with the things we don't understand. In my case its something inside my body. This new year I take another deep breath and move forward knowing that all we have is time to come to a better understanding.


*Mamiya 645, Christmas day 2015