rooftop goodbye party

My friend Aubrey threw me a going away party tonight on her rooftop -
one of the best spots in the city (previously viewed here, here, and here)


I know I've said this many times before, but I really REALLY do mean it this time-
I don't know how it will be possible for my heart to feel any more full than it does right now. I love this family I've made here.


The actual non blurry , non pictures of pictures to come.

i shouldn't be laughing

Just a part of my grandpas obituary:

Im officially making my dad write my obituary this instant just in case he goes before me.
Im sure he'll do yours if you send over some dr. pepper to butter him up.


Go here to see my cute grandpa and read the rest

you better believe I paid 20 dollars to see that ish.

Titanic Imax 3D.

Believe me, it was worth the $20. Especially getting to see it with those two crays.

I was a titanic virgin before last night, seeing as my mom wouldn't let me watch it when I was younger due to those very very naked scenes. Come on, Leo's baby face?? Im almost grateful my mom kept me from watching it, I would of have had an obsession with that face my whole childhood. Or maybe it would have been better to get it out of my system at a normal age. I feel a little creepy loving his attractive baby face so much at my age. Its like me loving the justin beieber movie as much as I do.
and then there was that dream I had about making out with the beibs..

meeow its time to end this post.

The day Madi went ape shiz and decided to go on a mission

Let me lay it out for you real simple.
I've never been the mission type.
& in all my years of growing up in the church, watching my other friends talk about the day they get to go out and serve the Lord, i've personally have never had a desire to actually go on one. I would say I was more on the other extreme as in no way in hell could anyone convince me to go. Is that awful to admit? I've always thought missions were wonderful life changing events, but just not my life changing event, anybody feelin me? 


So when the thoughts of a mission started about 8 months ago, I resisted.
This was not in the plan.
My plan was NY & everything it had to offer.
This.was.not.the.plan.
I wanted to stay here with my incredible friends in my incredible city.


I wasn't ready or willing to give up NY 8 months ago. & if we're being honest, 
I just didn't want give up chipotle for 18 months. But after some miracles to actually get me to take down my wall and say yes, it blows my mind to see how I have been prepared for this even through my resisting and fighting it. This gospel didnt mean to me back then in Utah what it does to me now. I had to find it. & it took NY to do that.


So (finally!) my mission papers in, i'm waiting for that white envolope in the mail to tell me where my next 18 month adventure will take place,  
& i'm more excited than I could ever explain to you in words. Maybe in person I could explain it to you in a lot of high pitched squeals and screams but I dont want to try and write those here. 
I think this photo a couple posts down sums up my excitement pretty well.


Sooooo, listen here- 
Straight up, 
No doubt in my mind - 
This is what I want, but more importantly what the Lord wants for me.

&&& I cannot wait to give everything I have for Him.

The following picture makes me incredibly happy and breaks my heart all at the same time. 
I can't handle my roller coaster of emotions these days. I'm a giant ball of mess.

I'm comin home utah.
If not but for a month or two- i'm comin home.
(cue chorus of "Home" by Daughtry)

Its unnerving when something so

constant is taken from your life. 

Grandpa passed away last night.
Literally as my mom was walking in the hospital doors to come say goodbye to him. 
& my heart aches for her.

Can we talk about that being one of the most vulnerable positions you can ever be in?

It just go back from spending the weekend at a conference where I heard Brene Brown speak 

& I learned so much more about learning to live in that state of vulnerability. 

Having to be away from my family right now and watch my mom go through this 
across the country has brought on this whole new perspective of helplessness. 
I havent been able to do anything for her in the past 12 hours and 
i've never had to deal with this feeling before, this feeling of complete vulnerability.

So onto my next bit of news.
Im going on a mission..
did i mention that?

Its been a fight getting my papers in for one reason or another so we've all just been waiting patiently to hear if they had been finally sent in. I had no idea that the news of my mission papers would come at a time that was so bitter sweet. Last night I received the news that grandpa had passed away, & this morning when I woke up I got a text saying the papers are now with the church headquarters.  I was feeling so helpless on this end of the country not being able to be there for my mom so giving her this good news felt like my way of contributing to & helping my family get through this heartbreaking time.


Can I tell you how extremely grateful I am for the knowledge I have that this is not the end? Cus I am.

Yankee's Game

We decided since that pretty lady with me above had never been to a major league baseball game,
 and I move home soon, that we should go to one last game all together. 
Baseball games are happyhappyhappy.

This continues to be one of my favorite things to do in the city.  Like I said last year the best part is
at the end of the game when they play "new york, new york" by frank sinatra and you get another
"New York" moment.  And then you dance around to it with 25 other mormons.
Try it next time you are here.

Actual pictures to come once I find my camera cord which im sure is packed away in this mess. 

Lutz, Hornberger & a Cockroach

Number 1- I was dubbed "official cockroach hunter" for the day at work. My coworker took over my duties and made me search for the thing for like and hour. Mama don't like cockroaches that fall from the ceiling.

Number 2 - PETE HORNBERGER AND LUTZ IMPROV. Grizz was even in attendance watching the show. What is this life? Banksy and three 30 Rock characters in the flesh all within 24 hours of each other??
5 dollars at the UCB theater - Apparently Amy Poehler will show up on occasion. Go there. Watch funny things. Laugh.

& Number 3- Nothing could really top number 2, but I did find my watch and an old twix bar in my coat today? It had fallen through that hole in my pocket i've been meaning to sew up. 

I ATE the twix bar if you were wondering.  It was all smashed and everything. 

I couldn't just NOT eat the twix bar, am I right or am I right?